Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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