I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
