Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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