My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
