i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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