May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
