i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
