Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
