i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm really busy with my period
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