I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
