I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
