very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
