So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
