Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
