I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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