Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
