Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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