i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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