that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize