I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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