i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she told me i tasted like america
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
