OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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