Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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