i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
