Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
