He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
