omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
