Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
