YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
