then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
