Do you still have your period?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
