took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
