Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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