I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
