Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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