no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
