is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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