Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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