Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I want a musical about memes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
