Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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