Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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