chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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