My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
