I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
