I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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