I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
