I think I won the penis lottery.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
