so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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