And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I could fuck to npr.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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