used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
