I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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