Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
