His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
