He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
