i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
50% drunk capacity currently
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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