Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
