Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
