how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i out mim tonsoeep
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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