Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
