she was so not down for the gang bang
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
