My hand turned me down
this beer tastes like vomit already
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
