All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you never un-have a 4some
how drunk are you?
Several
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
