And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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