i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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