well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
