Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
