Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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