You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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