literally had 100 drinks last night.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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